Y'know the black civic with the gold rims? Pieces of it got left behind on the ramp from Hwy 400 Southbound to 401 Eastbound. Yesterday was so so busy.
Earlier that day...
After my final exam, my Dad picked me up from school and we picked up my Mom from work to go get lunch - Pho. Anyway, at lunch, the bowl was really full, and when I moved it a little bit, the soup sloshed back and forth, and spilled out of the bowl, and into my crotch. So now I look like I peed my pants, and if I happen to cross paths with a dog, it'll be mighty interested in my salty crotchstain.
Anyway, after lunch, we went for our customary post-meal coffee. We dropped off my mom at work again, and on the way out, my dad hit a bump, and I spilled coffee on my white shirt. Just a little drip, but enough to really stand out. Minutes later, on the ramp to Hwy 401 from 400, we get stuck in a traffic jam, and come to a dead stop. I'll admit, it was was a pretty sudden stop, and we broke hard. I was watching the side-view mirrors, and saw the guy behind us brake hard too, but he managed to stop in time. My dad, who had a better view with the rear-view mirror could see two cars behind us. The second guy behind us wasn't gonna make it. The car behind us tried to steer out of the way, but with nowhere to go, the last guy hit the car behind us, the car behind us took out our right rear bumper, driving us straight into the car in front of us. Meanwhile, in our car, I've now got coffee all over the sleeve of my white shirt, coffee on my jeans, more specifically on my crotch, coffee on the dashboard, coffee on the windshield... just, coffee everywhere.
So that's that. When we got towed off the highway, I swear that our tow truck drivers were bikers. There were three guys in the tow truck (why the hell do you need 3 guys in a tow?), and they were all big rough looking white guys. I'm pretty sure they weren't Bandidos, though. Hah.
Our rental replacement is a Chevrolet Impala. Brand new one, only 200kms on it. What a piece of shit. The gaspedal and steering are both sluggish, nothing compared to the light responsiveness of the Acura TL. You so much as touch the gaspedal on the TL, and you'll go. The Impala has this delay, just a fraction of a second, but enough to make you think that you should press harder on the gas. End result, too much gas, and an uncomfortable jump. It really pisses me off when I try to change lanes because the responsiveness is so sluggish. With the civic or the acura, I so much as think about changing lanes, and it's done. With this brick of shit Impala, I actually have to consider that my car won't pick up fast enough to properly cut off the guy behind me. Moreover, the fucker is massive. It's longer than our TL. Visibility is shit, because Americans like big booty, and the Impala has a huge ass. The side view mirrors are tiny little angular things, more decorative than functional, and the headlights stick out like bug-eyes almost to the same level as the bumper. I can see it already, anytime you nick the front bumper, you're going to break a headlight. Leave it to Americans to design a useless car like the Impala.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Whoa whoa whoa... wait a sec there.
So, all this talk about girlfriends and boyfriends and engagements has got me thinking that I should really hook up. So, I started to think about all the prospects out there, and man! The pool is small.
College girls: Remember that movie 13 going on 30? Yeah, well think high school girl stuck in the body of a twenty-something. Most of my classmates are taken, so... yeah.
Cammie: She sings (+2), she dances (+2), she sews (+2). Oh my god, what a gold mine of potential - she's even hobbled so she can't run away (+1). Steady job (+1) and not one with too much prestige (0). Whoa whoa whoa... wait a sec there, cowboy. Groupcest (-2). I mean, she's dated Ivan and Simon before. If I go out with Cammie, will she dump me and try to go out with Brian to complete her collection?
*Edit* Apparently, Cam can bake, but cannot full-out cook (+1). After talking with simon, he has convinced me that being gimped is not entirely a good thing. While I associated gimpiness with that ancient chinese practice of binding womens' feet, I realized that in modern terms, this is not a good thing. Not only will Cam be unable to wait on me hand-and-foot, I will have to wait on HER hand-and-foot. This will not do (-2).
*Edit* Apparently, Cam cannot bake at all (-1). I'll assume she can cook basic basic stuff though. After some thought, I've decided that cooking food means a lot to me. I'm going to have to account for that (-1). On the topic of food, I've also noticed that she likes to order far more than she can eat. That never really sat well with me because I, on the other hand, feel a need to eat everything I order. I suppose it could work out if I ordered less, and she ordered more (+1), but then I wouldn't really be eating the things that I want(-1).
Total: 2 points.
Irene: She sings (+2), but not as well as Cam (-1), gimpy (+1), and has an affinity for good cooking (+2) and photography (+1). Unfortunately, she's also a Christian (-1), more specifically, a Catholic (-1). She's going to be a doctor (-1), which is more than I'll ever be (-1). It must be tough being a smart girl.
*Edit* Same thing as above re: gimped (-2). Simon also pointed out that Irene can bake too (+1)
Total: 0 points.
Jess: Taken, seriously. This fish has jumped out of my pool.
Jane: Bakes (+1), Artisitic (+2), can sing (+1), really nice (+1). Christian, specifically the psychotic presbytarian kind (-3). I'd be jealous that she loves Jesus more than me. No sense of style (-1) or care for appearance (-1). Really good wife/mother material, but I just can't stand the thought of my kids growing up in a Christian household. Speaking of wife/motherhood, perverted sense of dating conventions (-1).
Total: -1 points
Elsa: Don't know much about this one. Incredible body (+2), Seems nice (+1), and is a shutterbug (+1) to boot. Unfortunately, she's also a churchgoing Christian (-2).
*Edit* Simon seems to know her. They go to the same church. He expressed great discomfort in my description of her body as 'incredible.' Is she tainted? What's going on?
Total: 2 points
Which other single girls can I rate?
College girls: Remember that movie 13 going on 30? Yeah, well think high school girl stuck in the body of a twenty-something. Most of my classmates are taken, so... yeah.
Cammie: She sings (+2), she dances (+2), she sews (+2). Oh my god, what a gold mine of potential - she's even hobbled so she can't run away (+1). Steady job (+1) and not one with too much prestige (0). Whoa whoa whoa... wait a sec there, cowboy. Groupcest (-2). I mean, she's dated Ivan and Simon before. If I go out with Cammie, will she dump me and try to go out with Brian to complete her collection?
*Edit* Apparently, Cam can bake, but cannot full-out cook (+1). After talking with simon, he has convinced me that being gimped is not entirely a good thing. While I associated gimpiness with that ancient chinese practice of binding womens' feet, I realized that in modern terms, this is not a good thing. Not only will Cam be unable to wait on me hand-and-foot, I will have to wait on HER hand-and-foot. This will not do (-2).
*Edit* Apparently, Cam cannot bake at all (-1). I'll assume she can cook basic basic stuff though. After some thought, I've decided that cooking food means a lot to me. I'm going to have to account for that (-1). On the topic of food, I've also noticed that she likes to order far more than she can eat. That never really sat well with me because I, on the other hand, feel a need to eat everything I order. I suppose it could work out if I ordered less, and she ordered more (+1), but then I wouldn't really be eating the things that I want(-1).
Total: 2 points.
Irene: She sings (+2), but not as well as Cam (-1), gimpy (+1), and has an affinity for good cooking (+2) and photography (+1). Unfortunately, she's also a Christian (-1), more specifically, a Catholic (-1). She's going to be a doctor (-1), which is more than I'll ever be (-1). It must be tough being a smart girl.
*Edit* Same thing as above re: gimped (-2). Simon also pointed out that Irene can bake too (+1)
Total: 0 points.
Jess: Taken, seriously. This fish has jumped out of my pool.
Jane: Bakes (+1), Artisitic (+2), can sing (+1), really nice (+1). Christian, specifically the psychotic presbytarian kind (-3). I'd be jealous that she loves Jesus more than me. No sense of style (-1) or care for appearance (-1). Really good wife/mother material, but I just can't stand the thought of my kids growing up in a Christian household. Speaking of wife/motherhood, perverted sense of dating conventions (-1).
Total: -1 points
Elsa: Don't know much about this one. Incredible body (+2), Seems nice (+1), and is a shutterbug (+1) to boot. Unfortunately, she's also a churchgoing Christian (-2).
*Edit* Simon seems to know her. They go to the same church. He expressed great discomfort in my description of her body as 'incredible.' Is she tainted? What's going on?
Total: 2 points
Which other single girls can I rate?
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