So, all this talk about girlfriends and boyfriends and engagements has got me thinking that I should really hook up. So, I started to think about all the prospects out there, and man! The pool is small.
College girls: Remember that movie 13 going on 30? Yeah, well think high school girl stuck in the body of a twenty-something. Most of my classmates are taken, so... yeah.
Cammie: She sings (+2), she dances (+2), she sews (+2). Oh my god, what a gold mine of potential - she's even hobbled so she can't run away (+1). Steady job (+1) and not one with too much prestige (0). Whoa whoa whoa... wait a sec there, cowboy. Groupcest (-2). I mean, she's dated Ivan and Simon before. If I go out with Cammie, will she dump me and try to go out with Brian to complete her collection?
*Edit* Apparently, Cam can bake, but cannot full-out cook (+1). After talking with simon, he has convinced me that being gimped is not entirely a good thing. While I associated gimpiness with that ancient chinese practice of binding womens' feet, I realized that in modern terms, this is not a good thing. Not only will Cam be unable to wait on me hand-and-foot, I will have to wait on HER hand-and-foot. This will not do (-2).
*Edit* Apparently, Cam cannot bake at all (-1). I'll assume she can cook basic basic stuff though. After some thought, I've decided that cooking food means a lot to me. I'm going to have to account for that (-1). On the topic of food, I've also noticed that she likes to order far more than she can eat. That never really sat well with me because I, on the other hand, feel a need to eat everything I order. I suppose it could work out if I ordered less, and she ordered more (+1), but then I wouldn't really be eating the things that I want(-1).
Total: 2 points.
Irene: She sings (+2), but not as well as Cam (-1), gimpy (+1), and has an affinity for good cooking (+2) and photography (+1). Unfortunately, she's also a Christian (-1), more specifically, a Catholic (-1). She's going to be a doctor (-1), which is more than I'll ever be (-1). It must be tough being a smart girl.
*Edit* Same thing as above re: gimped (-2). Simon also pointed out that Irene can bake too (+1)
Total: 0 points.
Jess: Taken, seriously. This fish has jumped out of my pool.
Jane: Bakes (+1), Artisitic (+2), can sing (+1), really nice (+1). Christian, specifically the psychotic presbytarian kind (-3). I'd be jealous that she loves Jesus more than me. No sense of style (-1) or care for appearance (-1). Really good wife/mother material, but I just can't stand the thought of my kids growing up in a Christian household. Speaking of wife/motherhood, perverted sense of dating conventions (-1).
Total: -1 points
Elsa: Don't know much about this one. Incredible body (+2), Seems nice (+1), and is a shutterbug (+1) to boot. Unfortunately, she's also a churchgoing Christian (-2).
*Edit* Simon seems to know her. They go to the same church. He expressed great discomfort in my description of her body as 'incredible.' Is she tainted? What's going on?
Total: 2 points
Which other single girls can I rate?
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25 comments:
I've added one more, and I've edited Cam and Irene's ratings.
oh man . . . haha . . . rate your sister :P
where are wendy and steph?
dude...you're retarded...haha. and not nice.
hey, what about my cousin?...she has a sister too...haha...ew. ok no.
you should go for elsa anyways. maybe unconvert her, or at least have fun in the process trying..haha.
i just considered making a list like you did for fun, then i realized i have even less prospects than you so that's just sad.
hey Bri, hook me up anytime. i need a new pool...or well, a pool period. haha
and Bri's pool are all doctors! you could have a doctor, Cammie!
besides, you can't just look at the numbers... i said some nice things, and refrained from saying all the bad things that crossed my mind.
well, i'm not gonna rate my sister, she's excluded from my pool. Wendy, Steph and other Steph are seriously 'taken,' whereas Jess isn't seriously 'taken.'
you forgot that elsa's TAKEN!
Now, I wonder who THAT is???
I'm betting it's our resident Cute Girl.
-d
who's anonymous? whatever dude,
get her first...then get to know her later....haha
cammie, you kinda have a pool...i started one for you, you just don't like them...so they can all be negatives. hahahaha.
~wend
i don't suppose elsa's last name is poon, and she went to haig, and she's currently in second year.....?
can you hear the music?
"its a smaall world aaaafter all, it's a smaall world aaaafter all, it's a smaall world aaaafter all, it's a small world after all."
Anony-moose
Victor: Can cook very well (+3), Plays poker (+2), Emotionally compatible (+1), same sense of sick humour (+2), decent body (+1), Has a steady job (+1), Not a prestigious job (+0), is taken (-1), has a Penis (-5)
Total: +4
go for it dustin. i'm sure wendy'll share...haha
yea..i haven't seen these pools you talk of...maybe like, a droplet or two that quickly dry up....haha
clearly cammie is winning with a 2 point lead at least! what's your scale here?
your blog has gone from quoting some guy named felix to being extremely amusing over a very short period of time. good job.
the rating system is awesome. it lets you know quantitatively how much effort you should put into pursuing a girl. does a zero rating imply that she most closely matches your level? or does it indicate indifference?
......I'd like to know what fool told you I can bake...hahaha
I can follow recipes like an experimental procedure if that's what you mean...but i can't even recall baking. I guess i made cookies once...was it my cousin you talked to? that would be odd.
you should've come out to dessert with us man, you could've sat beside SOMEONE the whole time and have the rest of us snicker the whole time. instead of us just snickering for no reason and averting out eyes.
dessert? huh? what's going on? who are you talking to?
Regardless, I just did the rating thing for fun. It would be horribly irresponsible for me to start anything with anyone, seeing as how i'm leaving for four months. Yeah, it's an excuse, but a good one, I think.
If anything, it means I'll have to ask Cammie out in September. In the meantime, she can be efficient and go out with Bri this summer.
Cam loses her baking point.
Bri's hot. i'll have him perform strip-hip-hop for me....haha
bring a video camera.
you can choose your own outfit.
haha
i still don't get how cammie dances.
and why is that TWO points?
apparently dustin likes flexibility.
i didn't even catch that....yea, why do i dance?
i can do ugly swan lake imitations in my living room...haha
darn it, i should've taken those strip-aerobic classes...then bri and I would rock on the dance floor...haha
didn't you take ballet lessons?
don't tell me i have to devalue you again...
yes, i took ballet, jazz, gymnastics, rhythmic gymnastics, tennis, drawing and painting, drama, swimming, piano....and more...does it mean i can do most of these things now? nay...i still need to find my inner talent.
ok, write about something else now.
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