Roasted Chestnuts.
Selection.
Choose your chestnuts with care. Avoid ones that are split, or ones that rattle, or have little bug holes drilled into them. Those are not likely to be neither fresh nor appetizing. It makes little difference whether you choose large chestnuts or small chestnuts. I prefer smaller chestnuts as they are easier to roast and seem to pack a more concentrated flavour. A serving of chestnuts is probably around 8-12. For first-time chestnut eaters, this drops to about 4-6.
Preparation.
The back of the chestnut is characterized by a dark patch of shell, the front by a pointed shape. Between the front and back is the flat bottom and the domed top. Sit the chestnuts on the bottom, and split the top of the shell. Using a chopping board and a heavy knife (but not as heavy as a cleaver!), split the tops of the nut with a single well aimed chop. One need not use excessive force; the weight of the blade should be enough to split the shell. Ideally, you should aim to split the top of the shell without damaging the nut inside, but do not worry too much about it. The idea is to allow steam to escape the nut, preventing messy chestnut explosions during roasting. The secondary aim is to facilitate shelling prior to consumption. Preheat a toaster or conventional oven to 300 degrees farenheit.
Cooking.
Arrange the chestnuts on a foil-lined tray, split tops facing upwards. It is not necessary to cover them. Roast the nuts in the preheated oven for 45 minutes. Take one out and test-eat it. The nut should be soft, only slightly firmer than the consistency of baked potato. The raw chestnut has the consistency of an unripe apple. Any crunchiness in the test-chestnut would indicate that it has not been fully cooked yet. Test again at five minute intervals to get a feel for how long chestnuts need to be roasted. The fully roasted chestnut is soft, and slightly moist. The meat should separate easily from the shell and fuzzy membranous inner skin, while it is still hot. The nutty flavours and sweetness are maximized in this state.
Consuming.
Do not allow the chestnuts to cool. If they do, the meat will adhere to the fuzzy membranous skin inside the shell, and detract from the flavour. The skin is dry and bitter, and difficult to remove once the meat has cooled. Grip the nut by placing the thumb against the patch at the back of the nut. Fully crack the shell by applying force along the front-back axis. The split in the shell should widen. Pull the two halves of the shell away from each other and extract the meaty endosperm. For beginners, this process will not go smoothly, hampered by burnt fingertips and clumsy technique. With time and practice, you can build a tolerance to the piping hot nuts and remove the shell efficiently. Ideally, you should only roast as many chestnuts as you can shell before they cool enough for the skin to adhere to the meat.
Other methods.
There are many other methods for roasting chestnuts. One particular one practiced across europe and asia by street vendors is the slow-roast using sand and sugar. The chestnuts are roasted over a bed of sand and sugar, resulting in a moist and sweet chestnut that retains the flavour better than the previous method. Because the chestnuts are not split open, it is possible to slow-roast all day without fear of drying-out. However, this process is far slower and creates a mess out of the sticky melted sugar. The sand helps roast the chestnuts evenly over a greater surface.
For a great seasonal holiday treat, steeped in tradition, and celebrated in carols, roast your own chestnuts. Best enjoyed with a chilled desert wines with sweet, slightly nutty tastes and hints of figs and grapes.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Saturday, November 27, 2004
The Blue with a Clue
Do you remember what the questions were? If you don't the that's very unfortunate for you.
1. My life really IS that boring. I don't have extremely happy memories, and I don't experience any serious conflicts.
2. A look, a smile, a touch.
3. Immortality.
4. He wouldn't say anything to me. He'd be laughing, and I'd know why, and so I'd laugh too.
5. Poker.
6. Wrote me a christmas poem. Said a barrage of very mean things... in chinese. Took responsability for an undesireable situation. Given me my watch.
7. Calgary: playing with my cousins, without a single care in the world.
8. Driven him and his damn furniture downtown.
9. My everyday life (the routine... the daily grind).
1. My life really IS that boring. I don't have extremely happy memories, and I don't experience any serious conflicts.
2. A look, a smile, a touch.
3. Immortality.
4. He wouldn't say anything to me. He'd be laughing, and I'd know why, and so I'd laugh too.
5. Poker.
6. Wrote me a christmas poem. Said a barrage of very mean things... in chinese. Took responsability for an undesireable situation. Given me my watch.
7. Calgary: playing with my cousins, without a single care in the world.
8. Driven him and his damn furniture downtown.
9. My everyday life (the routine... the daily grind).
Monday, November 15, 2004
Everything in threes.
Well, well... I've decided to descend into the shallow stinking pool that is e-chain-survey-ing. Since I responded to someone else's survey, I will keep my word and paste this on my little journal for everyone to complete. This, undoubtedly, is just the beginning. Soon enough, I will visit others' blogs and fill out this damned survey a hundred times over (and a hundred times again!) - at least for those who bothered to post this. For that, I apologize ahead of time. Now please, fill out the forms below, and don't pretend to miss part C. Though Jesus will forgives you, I shall not.
(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:
(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.
(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.
Post your answers in my comments, I'll answer part B as promptly as possible.
Perhaps this survey is more constructive than others - I may benefit from some cultural enlightenment. Action movies, science fiction, and pop music lacks depth(... i guess).
(A) First, recommend to me:
1. a movie:
2. a book:
3. a musical artist, song, or album:
(B) I want everyone who reads this to ask me three questions, no more, no less. Ask me anything you want.
(C) Then I want you to go to your journal, copy and paste this allowing your friends to ask you anything.
Post your answers in my comments, I'll answer part B as promptly as possible.
Perhaps this survey is more constructive than others - I may benefit from some cultural enlightenment. Action movies, science fiction, and pop music lacks depth(... i guess).
Thursday, November 04, 2004
The Art of Shoe Polishing.
When it comes to polishing your leather shoes and boots to a high shine, there are many schools of thought on which way is best. The truth is, everybody has a personal preference, and even the most seasoned shoe polisher will adhere to what he or she knows, reluctant to try new techniques. I have compiled a short list of anecdotal methods for bringing the shine to your dull and scuffed footwear.
1. Washing.
Firstly, the shoes must be cleaned. All shoe polishers agree that a layer of dirt between layers of polish will hurt your shine job in the long run. In time, the layers of polish over the layer of dirt may separate and peel and flake from the shoe, creating patches of worn leather resembling large potholes in a road. Wash any mud off the surfaces with warm water and a mild detergent. Allow the leather to air dry. Stuffing your shoes with newspaper to speed up the process will cause the shoe to shrink, separating the leather from the sole - damage which is expensive to repair, if reparable at all. On that same note, throwing the shoes into the dryer will also shrink the leather and separate it from the sole. Have patience and allow the shoes to air dry completely before applying any polish.
2. Sealing.
Some people like their shoes to be waterproof, or at least, highly water resistant. To achieve this, use a liquid silicone-based sealant, available at most shoe repair shops and department stores. Do not use caulking silicone or similar construction sealant. Concentrate on the seams and where the leather meets the sole. These are the most porous parts of the shoe. Some sealants are alcohol based, and after application, leave the leather stiff and hard. Not to worry, the oils in the polish and your foot will help 'break' the shoe in again.
3. Tools you will require:
Applicator Brush (small circular horsehair brush with a small handle - one for each type of polish): The applicator brush is used to apply the raw polish. As such, it is necessary to have one per type of polish to avoid contamination. It is no good to have black streaks on your brown shoes, nor is it proper to mix cream and wax based polishes - the cream will dissolve the wax.
Buffing Brush (large rectangular horsehair brush with no handle - only one is necessary): The buffing brush is used for buffing. There is no fear of contamination since no polish actually gets on to the buffing brush. The buffing brush, asides from buffing, can also be used as a duster. A quick buff can also remove minor scuff marks, if there isn't sufficient time to re-polish the footwear.
Polishing Cloth (soft piece of material used to achieve a high-shine, or spit-polish - only one is necessary): It is important to have an unused portion of polishing cloth. Once a part of the cloth is used, that part becomes matted and will not be able to carry out its function. One popular brand is Kiwi - which produces what is commonly known as a Kiwi Cloth. Alternatives include soft towels, felt, and microfleece; however, the results achieved with a Kiwi Cloth seem to be unparalleled.
Shoe Polish: There are mainly two different kinds of shoe polish - wax based, or cream based. Though the cream is easier to use, the wax is far superior in terms of achieving a high shine and protecting the leather from trauma. The cream is better for conditioning and improving the pliability of the leather. Thus, for gloves and soft footwear, cream should be used. For dress shoes and other hard leather shoes, wax should be used. Whatever the choice, care should be taken not to mix the two on the applicator. Polish also comes in a large variety of colours, the browns and blacks being the most common. It is also possible to get navy blue and maroon, though anything else may be more difficult to come by. Remember that colours should not be mixed to avoid streaking on your shoes. I personally recommend Kiwi brand shoe polish. Do not leave shoe polish exposed to air or heat or direct sunlight for extended periods of time. The solvent evaporates, leaving the wax hard and crusty.
Miscellaneous: Toothbrushes are useful if you have two different colours on your footwear. Many golf shoes, for example have two different colours of leather. In this case, the applicator brush is too coarse for this precision job. The lighter colour should be polished on first, and the darker colour applied with the toothbrush afterwards. You need not worry about streaking when buffing. Womens' nylons are also useful tools for touchups and a final buffing. Nobody can explain it, but the touch of the nylons brightens the shine a noticeable degree. A lighter is also a helpful tool, required for a 'burn-shine.'
4. Buff-shine: the simplest kind of shine. A single layer of polish is applied onto the surface, and then buffed. This is the best type of shine for soft leather footwear. Advantages: the polished surface retains the grain and texture of leather. Disadvantages: the buff-shine is the dimmest kind of shine - it colours the leather but does not cover up any minor abrasions. Warning: buff-shining produces a fine dust of polish, that when rubbed, causes streaks. Ensure that you buff-shine outdoors, or over an easily washable or disposable surface (read: not over your carpet).
5. Spit-shine: a complex shine that creates a polished surface so smooth that it is reflective. This technique is not recommended for soft or flexible leather. It is best applied to a hard surface - such as the toe of a dress shoe. If the spit-shone portion is flexed, the wax will flake off at the crease, resembling dandruff. Since many layers of polish need to be applied to cover up the texture of leather, only wax can be used to achieve a spit-shine. There are many schools of thought when it comes to high shines. Some advocate the use of fire - melting the polish on the shoe itself in what is known as a 'burn shine.' Still, others swear by water - hot water, cold water, luke-warm water, room temperature water... Every person must develop their own personal styles when it comes to achieving a high-finish.
In any case, a good foundation of wax must be laid before anything else is done. After cleaning, and drying, the wax needs to be layered on by means of buff-shining. The more layers applied, the smoother the end shine will be. I personally advocate applying at least three layers of polish as a base - that is, apply a layer of polish, buff it, and repeat three times. For a superior shine, apply at least five layers as a base.
Using Fire
After applying several layers of polish, directly heat the polished surface. Old-school polishers will use fire, from a lighter or candle, and melt the polish just enough so that it liquefies and smoothes over, but not so much as to set the shoe itself on fire. The key is to keep everything moving - like ironing clothes, leaving the iron on your shirts will surely start a fire, and ruin everything. When the polish melts, the surface becomes impossibly glossy, but as the polish cools, it takes on a dull foggy appearance. An alternative to fire is a hair-dryer. Hair-dryers can generate sufficient heat to melt the polish without setting the shoe on fire. Finally, water is used, as described below to complete the shine. Note that using fire is entirely optional. From my experience, I have found that it is a wholly unnecessary step.
Using Water
This final step is, in my opinion, the key in achieving a glossy finish. The material used to work the polish into the surface varies, depending on tradition, and availability. Though the Kiwi Cloth is recommended, almost any soft material can be used instead. Cottonballs are excellent, but end up being too small to be useful. A cotton rag is an economical alternative. Whatever material is used for the final spit-shine, it is vitally important that it contains no solvents or detergents. Such things can immediately strip layers of polish off the surface, and ruin hours of hard work.
Firstly, soak the cloth in water, and wring it out, leaving it damp. Prepare a dish of water - the lid of the polish tin makes for a good dish. Wrap a section of the cloth around a finger or two - this is the portion of the cloth we will use to spit-shine. Liberally soak the portion in water, easily accessible in that nearby dish, and lightly dab it in polish. You should have some polish now on your fingertips (rather, on the cloth, wrapped around your fingertips). Apply this on the surface using a small circular pattern, with very light pressure. Continue rubbing this spot until the polish no longer streaks, and a patch of brightness appears. Repeat the process on another part of the surface, ensuring that you use a liberal amount of water. Ensure that you pay particular attention to the details. Use a cuetip in a similar manner to polish the seam between the leather and the sole, as well as any other raised seams on the surface. Just like how many layers of buff-polish need to be added, several layers of spit-polish also need to be added. Generally, one should not require any more than three layers of spit-polishing. This is the extremely time-consuming part of the job. Fortunately, spit-polishing is relatively clean as it does not generate the dust that buff-shining does. So, it is best to spit-polish while watching entire seasons of television shows, or movie marathons, while eating, drinking, and/or chatting with friends.
That concludes my brief (haha) tutorial on how to polish shoes. Should you, in the future, require a polish, I will be more than glad to polish your shoes for a modest fee of bubble tea.
1. Washing.
Firstly, the shoes must be cleaned. All shoe polishers agree that a layer of dirt between layers of polish will hurt your shine job in the long run. In time, the layers of polish over the layer of dirt may separate and peel and flake from the shoe, creating patches of worn leather resembling large potholes in a road. Wash any mud off the surfaces with warm water and a mild detergent. Allow the leather to air dry. Stuffing your shoes with newspaper to speed up the process will cause the shoe to shrink, separating the leather from the sole - damage which is expensive to repair, if reparable at all. On that same note, throwing the shoes into the dryer will also shrink the leather and separate it from the sole. Have patience and allow the shoes to air dry completely before applying any polish.
2. Sealing.
Some people like their shoes to be waterproof, or at least, highly water resistant. To achieve this, use a liquid silicone-based sealant, available at most shoe repair shops and department stores. Do not use caulking silicone or similar construction sealant. Concentrate on the seams and where the leather meets the sole. These are the most porous parts of the shoe. Some sealants are alcohol based, and after application, leave the leather stiff and hard. Not to worry, the oils in the polish and your foot will help 'break' the shoe in again.
3. Tools you will require:
Applicator Brush (small circular horsehair brush with a small handle - one for each type of polish): The applicator brush is used to apply the raw polish. As such, it is necessary to have one per type of polish to avoid contamination. It is no good to have black streaks on your brown shoes, nor is it proper to mix cream and wax based polishes - the cream will dissolve the wax.
Buffing Brush (large rectangular horsehair brush with no handle - only one is necessary): The buffing brush is used for buffing. There is no fear of contamination since no polish actually gets on to the buffing brush. The buffing brush, asides from buffing, can also be used as a duster. A quick buff can also remove minor scuff marks, if there isn't sufficient time to re-polish the footwear.
Polishing Cloth (soft piece of material used to achieve a high-shine, or spit-polish - only one is necessary): It is important to have an unused portion of polishing cloth. Once a part of the cloth is used, that part becomes matted and will not be able to carry out its function. One popular brand is Kiwi - which produces what is commonly known as a Kiwi Cloth. Alternatives include soft towels, felt, and microfleece; however, the results achieved with a Kiwi Cloth seem to be unparalleled.
Shoe Polish: There are mainly two different kinds of shoe polish - wax based, or cream based. Though the cream is easier to use, the wax is far superior in terms of achieving a high shine and protecting the leather from trauma. The cream is better for conditioning and improving the pliability of the leather. Thus, for gloves and soft footwear, cream should be used. For dress shoes and other hard leather shoes, wax should be used. Whatever the choice, care should be taken not to mix the two on the applicator. Polish also comes in a large variety of colours, the browns and blacks being the most common. It is also possible to get navy blue and maroon, though anything else may be more difficult to come by. Remember that colours should not be mixed to avoid streaking on your shoes. I personally recommend Kiwi brand shoe polish. Do not leave shoe polish exposed to air or heat or direct sunlight for extended periods of time. The solvent evaporates, leaving the wax hard and crusty.
Miscellaneous: Toothbrushes are useful if you have two different colours on your footwear. Many golf shoes, for example have two different colours of leather. In this case, the applicator brush is too coarse for this precision job. The lighter colour should be polished on first, and the darker colour applied with the toothbrush afterwards. You need not worry about streaking when buffing. Womens' nylons are also useful tools for touchups and a final buffing. Nobody can explain it, but the touch of the nylons brightens the shine a noticeable degree. A lighter is also a helpful tool, required for a 'burn-shine.'
4. Buff-shine: the simplest kind of shine. A single layer of polish is applied onto the surface, and then buffed. This is the best type of shine for soft leather footwear. Advantages: the polished surface retains the grain and texture of leather. Disadvantages: the buff-shine is the dimmest kind of shine - it colours the leather but does not cover up any minor abrasions. Warning: buff-shining produces a fine dust of polish, that when rubbed, causes streaks. Ensure that you buff-shine outdoors, or over an easily washable or disposable surface (read: not over your carpet).
5. Spit-shine: a complex shine that creates a polished surface so smooth that it is reflective. This technique is not recommended for soft or flexible leather. It is best applied to a hard surface - such as the toe of a dress shoe. If the spit-shone portion is flexed, the wax will flake off at the crease, resembling dandruff. Since many layers of polish need to be applied to cover up the texture of leather, only wax can be used to achieve a spit-shine. There are many schools of thought when it comes to high shines. Some advocate the use of fire - melting the polish on the shoe itself in what is known as a 'burn shine.' Still, others swear by water - hot water, cold water, luke-warm water, room temperature water... Every person must develop their own personal styles when it comes to achieving a high-finish.
In any case, a good foundation of wax must be laid before anything else is done. After cleaning, and drying, the wax needs to be layered on by means of buff-shining. The more layers applied, the smoother the end shine will be. I personally advocate applying at least three layers of polish as a base - that is, apply a layer of polish, buff it, and repeat three times. For a superior shine, apply at least five layers as a base.
Using Fire
After applying several layers of polish, directly heat the polished surface. Old-school polishers will use fire, from a lighter or candle, and melt the polish just enough so that it liquefies and smoothes over, but not so much as to set the shoe itself on fire. The key is to keep everything moving - like ironing clothes, leaving the iron on your shirts will surely start a fire, and ruin everything. When the polish melts, the surface becomes impossibly glossy, but as the polish cools, it takes on a dull foggy appearance. An alternative to fire is a hair-dryer. Hair-dryers can generate sufficient heat to melt the polish without setting the shoe on fire. Finally, water is used, as described below to complete the shine. Note that using fire is entirely optional. From my experience, I have found that it is a wholly unnecessary step.
Using Water
This final step is, in my opinion, the key in achieving a glossy finish. The material used to work the polish into the surface varies, depending on tradition, and availability. Though the Kiwi Cloth is recommended, almost any soft material can be used instead. Cottonballs are excellent, but end up being too small to be useful. A cotton rag is an economical alternative. Whatever material is used for the final spit-shine, it is vitally important that it contains no solvents or detergents. Such things can immediately strip layers of polish off the surface, and ruin hours of hard work.
Firstly, soak the cloth in water, and wring it out, leaving it damp. Prepare a dish of water - the lid of the polish tin makes for a good dish. Wrap a section of the cloth around a finger or two - this is the portion of the cloth we will use to spit-shine. Liberally soak the portion in water, easily accessible in that nearby dish, and lightly dab it in polish. You should have some polish now on your fingertips (rather, on the cloth, wrapped around your fingertips). Apply this on the surface using a small circular pattern, with very light pressure. Continue rubbing this spot until the polish no longer streaks, and a patch of brightness appears. Repeat the process on another part of the surface, ensuring that you use a liberal amount of water. Ensure that you pay particular attention to the details. Use a cuetip in a similar manner to polish the seam between the leather and the sole, as well as any other raised seams on the surface. Just like how many layers of buff-polish need to be added, several layers of spit-polish also need to be added. Generally, one should not require any more than three layers of spit-polishing. This is the extremely time-consuming part of the job. Fortunately, spit-polishing is relatively clean as it does not generate the dust that buff-shining does. So, it is best to spit-polish while watching entire seasons of television shows, or movie marathons, while eating, drinking, and/or chatting with friends.
That concludes my brief (haha) tutorial on how to polish shoes. Should you, in the future, require a polish, I will be more than glad to polish your shoes for a modest fee of bubble tea.
Friday, October 22, 2004
Lorelei vs Rory
Up front, I've never watched an epsiode of Gilmore Girls.
If you are a woman, who is easily offended, and isn't on good terms with your mom, I suggest you turn away now. Now that I've said it, you're not allowed to be offended. If you're a guy and offended, you need to grow some hair down there and pop momma's teat outta your mouth. Good. Let the vitriol flow forth from the darkness.
Why is it that so many young women/teenage girls hate their mothers (anecdotal)? It first seemed to me an uncanny coincidence. Two girls I became close with both despised their mothers. In fact they so loathed the presence of the older woman, that they moved out, or seriously contemplated moving out. Another girl I am acquainted with engages in terrifying one-sided yelling matches (her doing the yelling) in public, cursing at her mother with phrases that not even I would repeat to mine. And now, within the last month, three more of my female friends have expressed to me ill will directed at their mothers - but why? The answer was always the same. "She's annoying (4/6)." "She nags all the time (5/6)." "We argue a lot (2/6)." "She guilt trips me to get her way(2/6)." What is it about nagging mothers that gets their daughters so riled up and ready to abandon the comforts of home? To me (and my chauvanist tendancies), the answer seem simple enough. Women are 1) irrational, or maybe 2) self centered, or perhaps 3) living proof of Freud's Elektra Complex.
1) Women are irrational.
Yes, leave home. Did you think about how you were going to pay for all the things you take for granted?
Oops, I can't stay at my friends' house forever... guess I'll have to find a job and rent. Nevermind that I'll get stuck in the Rent Trap, and when I'm a little older, I'll realize that had I stayed home and saved my rent money and invested it properly, I could afford a downpayment on my own condo by now.
I want that new jacket that I KNOW will look good on me. Oops, gotta pay the rent, maybe I can afford it next season, when it's out of style - or MAYBE mom will buy it for my birthday present.
What courses am I going to take next year? Oops, I have no tuition money... OSAP! Debt! Yay! Oops, OSAP doesn't pay 100%, I guess I need a second part time job.
Oh! I'm hungry! ... uh hi, mom... its me... listen... do you think I could eat dinner with the family tonight?
Seriously now, living with annoying mom in middle class comfort... or living in poverty. Hmmm... Living with annoying mom in middle class comfort, vs. living in poverty. I'm not sure about this one... maybe I should think longer in my characteristically indecisive way. Hmmm...
2) Women are self-centered. A nice way of saying women are selfish.
(You) Wah wah wah. Mommy is annoying because she nags. She nags because she wants to annoy me. I hate her.
(Mommy) I am very concerned about the welfare of my child. I would like her to avoid the mistakes that I made. I would like to help her because I love her.
(You) Wah wah wah. I'm all growed up now, I don't need your help. You're annoying. I can do things myself. I need my space.
(Mommy) Those things she says hurt. But I'm trying my best to help her - be nice to her. I want to give her everything. I don't want her to be hurt. I don't want her to learn the hard way.
(Me) Ungreatful child.
Of course, this is a gross exaggeration of what goes largely unspoken. It seems to me that these girls - for they only woman in body - fail to see things from the mothers' perspective. They can not understand the mothers' motivations, nor do they appear to have an inkling of empathy for the hurt that they may cause. The only kind of people known to act this way are young children. Hence the tone of my girl character in dialogue.
3) Freud's Elektra Complex. If you know what it is, good. If you do not, then look it up. Freud's theory probably has little merit - already his Oedipus Complex has been shot down by today's experts. It would be safe to assume that the Elektra Complex also suffers from the same credibility problems. I know little else of Freud - I was never a great student of Psychology. But, I thought that would be glaringly obvious by now.
N.B. No, I am not a misogynist; yes, I do know what the word means; no, this does not apply to all women and all daughters; and no, this is not directed at you - what made you think so, you egocentric child?
So, why do YOU hate your mother? She's done nothing but love and comfort you in the best way that she knows how. If she died tomorrow, I'm certain you would be sorry about how you treated her, or mistreated her.
If you are a woman, who is easily offended, and isn't on good terms with your mom, I suggest you turn away now. Now that I've said it, you're not allowed to be offended. If you're a guy and offended, you need to grow some hair down there and pop momma's teat outta your mouth. Good. Let the vitriol flow forth from the darkness.
Why is it that so many young women/teenage girls hate their mothers (anecdotal)? It first seemed to me an uncanny coincidence. Two girls I became close with both despised their mothers. In fact they so loathed the presence of the older woman, that they moved out, or seriously contemplated moving out. Another girl I am acquainted with engages in terrifying one-sided yelling matches (her doing the yelling) in public, cursing at her mother with phrases that not even I would repeat to mine. And now, within the last month, three more of my female friends have expressed to me ill will directed at their mothers - but why? The answer was always the same. "She's annoying (4/6)." "She nags all the time (5/6)." "We argue a lot (2/6)." "She guilt trips me to get her way(2/6)." What is it about nagging mothers that gets their daughters so riled up and ready to abandon the comforts of home? To me (and my chauvanist tendancies), the answer seem simple enough. Women are 1) irrational, or maybe 2) self centered, or perhaps 3) living proof of Freud's Elektra Complex.
1) Women are irrational.
Yes, leave home. Did you think about how you were going to pay for all the things you take for granted?
Oops, I can't stay at my friends' house forever... guess I'll have to find a job and rent. Nevermind that I'll get stuck in the Rent Trap, and when I'm a little older, I'll realize that had I stayed home and saved my rent money and invested it properly, I could afford a downpayment on my own condo by now.
I want that new jacket that I KNOW will look good on me. Oops, gotta pay the rent, maybe I can afford it next season, when it's out of style - or MAYBE mom will buy it for my birthday present.
What courses am I going to take next year? Oops, I have no tuition money... OSAP! Debt! Yay! Oops, OSAP doesn't pay 100%, I guess I need a second part time job.
Oh! I'm hungry! ... uh hi, mom... its me... listen... do you think I could eat dinner with the family tonight?
Seriously now, living with annoying mom in middle class comfort... or living in poverty. Hmmm... Living with annoying mom in middle class comfort, vs. living in poverty. I'm not sure about this one... maybe I should think longer in my characteristically indecisive way. Hmmm...
2) Women are self-centered. A nice way of saying women are selfish.
(You) Wah wah wah. Mommy is annoying because she nags. She nags because she wants to annoy me. I hate her.
(Mommy) I am very concerned about the welfare of my child. I would like her to avoid the mistakes that I made. I would like to help her because I love her.
(You) Wah wah wah. I'm all growed up now, I don't need your help. You're annoying. I can do things myself. I need my space.
(Mommy) Those things she says hurt. But I'm trying my best to help her - be nice to her. I want to give her everything. I don't want her to be hurt. I don't want her to learn the hard way.
(Me) Ungreatful child.
Of course, this is a gross exaggeration of what goes largely unspoken. It seems to me that these girls - for they only woman in body - fail to see things from the mothers' perspective. They can not understand the mothers' motivations, nor do they appear to have an inkling of empathy for the hurt that they may cause. The only kind of people known to act this way are young children. Hence the tone of my girl character in dialogue.
3) Freud's Elektra Complex. If you know what it is, good. If you do not, then look it up. Freud's theory probably has little merit - already his Oedipus Complex has been shot down by today's experts. It would be safe to assume that the Elektra Complex also suffers from the same credibility problems. I know little else of Freud - I was never a great student of Psychology. But, I thought that would be glaringly obvious by now.
N.B. No, I am not a misogynist; yes, I do know what the word means; no, this does not apply to all women and all daughters; and no, this is not directed at you - what made you think so, you egocentric child?
So, why do YOU hate your mother? She's done nothing but love and comfort you in the best way that she knows how. If she died tomorrow, I'm certain you would be sorry about how you treated her, or mistreated her.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004
The Happy Place
An exercise in stress management.
Think of a place where you would much rather be right now. Any place/time that first enters your mind.
Where are you?
Are you alone - who's with you?
What's up?
Let me kickstart this, and please... don't let me be the only respondant to my questions. You may comment anonymously if you so desire.
Where am I? Tropical beach. Lagoon. Palm trees... need shade, because the sand burns my Toronto-adapted feet. Resort? no. Crude cabin/hut deal. Island... maybe not.
Who's with me? You are, of course.
What's up? Nice place to be and all, but my city-dwelling ass is getting bored because after a little swimming and exploring, we're running out of things to do. Getting frustrated because we can't open the coconuts.
No good, I'll have to try again later.
Think of a place where you would much rather be right now. Any place/time that first enters your mind.
Where are you?
Are you alone - who's with you?
What's up?
Let me kickstart this, and please... don't let me be the only respondant to my questions. You may comment anonymously if you so desire.
Where am I? Tropical beach. Lagoon. Palm trees... need shade, because the sand burns my Toronto-adapted feet. Resort? no. Crude cabin/hut deal. Island... maybe not.
Who's with me? You are, of course.
What's up? Nice place to be and all, but my city-dwelling ass is getting bored because after a little swimming and exploring, we're running out of things to do. Getting frustrated because we can't open the coconuts.
No good, I'll have to try again later.
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Get Played and Win!
How do you know when you're being played? Most of us who do get played probably don't realize it for several reasons. I would speculate that most people would deny, even to themselves, the subtle truth of the matter. I would even go as far as to suggest that a good proportion of people out there would refuse to admit being played despite the obvious clues. Simon is right - battered women cling to their abusive men. Neglected wives cling to their cheating husbands. This is not to say that only women get played... men get played too. I'm no woman, so I wouldn't know the details of that side of things.
On another note... congrats Jeff, on winning.
On another note... congrats Jeff, on winning.
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Prince Charming
Before I begin discussing my Theory of Prince Charming, hereafter referred to as ToP (an abbreviation that must exclude the 'C' from Charming to remain catchy), I will explain what a Eucatastrophe is. It is a term (possibly made-up by one of my professors) that describes a type of story that can only be identified after the ending has taken place - from certain doom and catastrophe, an unexpected event occurs and all ends well. Emphasis is placed on the unexpected nature of the event. The most prominant eucatastrophe is of course, Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.
The Theory of Prince Charming: A warning to those who wait.
We shall begin with the everywoman ideal of a man. Tall, athletic, broad shouldered man with a deep voice and pleasant facial features. Dresses well, nice hair, stylish, hygienic, smells good. Big hands (just for Wendy), cute ass (for Vanessa), and isn't wussier than Cammie. Walks naturally, confidant, but not arrogant. Reasonably chivalrous (opens doors, takes jackets, pulls out chairs), polite, good with pets, good with kids, charming (says your mother), worthy (says your father), and has money (not a lot, but enough to always pick up the cheque). Makes you feel special, safe, warm, and loved. Honest, but will lie to make you feel good about yourself (or your fat ass) and thoughtful. Listens. Trustworthy.
Does he exist? I'm afraid so... I know him - I know them. In fact, most of the above characteristics apply to a great number of men, but they all lack one characteristic. Though he is trustworthy, he is not loyal; after all, why should he be? A vast number of women seek him, and he need only pick - but why pick one? What harm is there in having two? Or even three? Whatever made you think that Prince Charming is a good guy? It almost seems as if desirable people have huge egos that have eroded their sense of morality and conscience. Apart from being athletic, he only pretends to be chivalrous, charming and polite. He barely tolerates pets and kids, and makes you feel special, safe, warm and loved for one purpose and one purpose only. Sex. Of course once he's done with you, he need not perpetuate the charade, and you'll see him for the asshole he really is. The strange thing is that he has a wife too... But not to worry. He'll lie to her and lie to you to make you both feel better about yourself.
Don't believe me do you? Waiting for your Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet, and treat you to a romantic dinner, maybe a shopping spree? Maybe you'd like to meet some of my friends and acquaintances. I'm sure you'll find them attractive...
The Theory of Prince Charming: A warning to those who wait.
We shall begin with the everywoman ideal of a man. Tall, athletic, broad shouldered man with a deep voice and pleasant facial features. Dresses well, nice hair, stylish, hygienic, smells good. Big hands (just for Wendy), cute ass (for Vanessa), and isn't wussier than Cammie. Walks naturally, confidant, but not arrogant. Reasonably chivalrous (opens doors, takes jackets, pulls out chairs), polite, good with pets, good with kids, charming (says your mother), worthy (says your father), and has money (not a lot, but enough to always pick up the cheque). Makes you feel special, safe, warm, and loved. Honest, but will lie to make you feel good about yourself (or your fat ass) and thoughtful. Listens. Trustworthy.
Does he exist? I'm afraid so... I know him - I know them. In fact, most of the above characteristics apply to a great number of men, but they all lack one characteristic. Though he is trustworthy, he is not loyal; after all, why should he be? A vast number of women seek him, and he need only pick - but why pick one? What harm is there in having two? Or even three? Whatever made you think that Prince Charming is a good guy? It almost seems as if desirable people have huge egos that have eroded their sense of morality and conscience. Apart from being athletic, he only pretends to be chivalrous, charming and polite. He barely tolerates pets and kids, and makes you feel special, safe, warm and loved for one purpose and one purpose only. Sex. Of course once he's done with you, he need not perpetuate the charade, and you'll see him for the asshole he really is. The strange thing is that he has a wife too... But not to worry. He'll lie to her and lie to you to make you both feel better about yourself.
Don't believe me do you? Waiting for your Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet, and treat you to a romantic dinner, maybe a shopping spree? Maybe you'd like to meet some of my friends and acquaintances. I'm sure you'll find them attractive...
Monday, September 27, 2004
Brian the brain.
Brian figured it out first. Find this blog via Irene's comments. Far simpler than trying to search for what I might or might not call my blog. Whether or not Brian was the first visitor is unknown. So, for those who know Irene, and found this on their own, I welcome you to my personal little space on the web. For those who were referred here, I welcome you anyway, but not as warmly as the others.
I just recently finished reading...
To be continued... Felix is picking me up for some bbt. Going to edit his essay while I'm at it.
... Douglas Adams' the Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. In my opinion, the most memorable part of the novel,
Definitely a very funny book - strongly advise you read it. Then you'll know what I'm going on about.
Next time on Eucatastrophe: My Prince Charming theory.
I just recently finished reading...
To be continued... Felix is picking me up for some bbt. Going to edit his essay while I'm at it.
... Douglas Adams' the Hitch-hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. In my opinion, the most memorable part of the novel,
Ah. . . ! What's happening? it thought.
Er, excuse me, who am I?
Hello?
Why am I here? What's my purpose in life?
What do I mean by who am I?
Calm down, get a grip now . . . Oh! This is an interesting sensation, what is it? It's a sort of . . . yawning, tingling sensation in my . . . my . . . well I suppose I'd better start finding names for things if I want to make any headway in what for the sake of what I shall call an argument I shall call the world, so let's call it my stomach.
Good. Ooooh, it's getting quite strong. And hey, what about this whistling roaring sound going past what I'm suddenly going to call my head? Perhaps I can call that . . . wind! Is that a good name? It'll do . . . perhaps I can find a better name for it later when I've find out what it's for. It must be something very important because there certainly seems to be a hell of a lot of it. Hey! What's this thing? This . . . let's call it a tail - yeah, tail. Hey! I can really thrash it about pretty good, can't I? Wow! Wow! That feels great! Doesn't seem to achieve very much, but I'll probably find out what it's for later on. Now - have I built up any coherent picture of things yet?
No.
Never mind, hey, this is really exciting, so much to find out about, so much to look forward to, I'm quite dizzy with anticipation . . .
Or is it the wind?
There really is a lot of that now, isn't there?
And wow! Hey! What's this thing suddenly coming towards me very fast? Very very fast. So big and flat and round, it needs a big wide sounding name like . . . ow . . . ound . . . round . . . ground! That's it! Thats a good name - ground!
I wonder if it will be friends with me?
Definitely a very funny book - strongly advise you read it. Then you'll know what I'm going on about.
Next time on Eucatastrophe: My Prince Charming theory.
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Beginning of the end.
Ah yes, I have succumbed. It is certain that this new chapter in my life will be over before it even begins, but for now, I will humour the exhibitionist in me, and blog about my personal life.
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