Up front, I've never watched an epsiode of Gilmore Girls.
If you are a woman, who is easily offended, and isn't on good terms with your mom, I suggest you turn away now. Now that I've said it, you're not allowed to be offended. If you're a guy and offended, you need to grow some hair down there and pop momma's teat outta your mouth. Good. Let the vitriol flow forth from the darkness.
Why is it that so many young women/teenage girls hate their mothers (anecdotal)? It first seemed to me an uncanny coincidence. Two girls I became close with both despised their mothers. In fact they so loathed the presence of the older woman, that they moved out, or seriously contemplated moving out. Another girl I am acquainted with engages in terrifying one-sided yelling matches (her doing the yelling) in public, cursing at her mother with phrases that not even I would repeat to mine. And now, within the last month, three more of my female friends have expressed to me ill will directed at their mothers - but why? The answer was always the same. "She's annoying (4/6)." "She nags all the time (5/6)." "We argue a lot (2/6)." "She guilt trips me to get her way(2/6)." What is it about nagging mothers that gets their daughters so riled up and ready to abandon the comforts of home? To me (and my chauvanist tendancies), the answer seem simple enough. Women are 1) irrational, or maybe 2) self centered, or perhaps 3) living proof of Freud's Elektra Complex.
1) Women are irrational.
Yes, leave home. Did you think about how you were going to pay for all the things you take for granted?
Oops, I can't stay at my friends' house forever... guess I'll have to find a job and rent. Nevermind that I'll get stuck in the Rent Trap, and when I'm a little older, I'll realize that had I stayed home and saved my rent money and invested it properly, I could afford a downpayment on my own condo by now.
I want that new jacket that I KNOW will look good on me. Oops, gotta pay the rent, maybe I can afford it next season, when it's out of style - or MAYBE mom will buy it for my birthday present.
What courses am I going to take next year? Oops, I have no tuition money... OSAP! Debt! Yay! Oops, OSAP doesn't pay 100%, I guess I need a second part time job.
Oh! I'm hungry! ... uh hi, mom... its me... listen... do you think I could eat dinner with the family tonight?
Seriously now, living with annoying mom in middle class comfort... or living in poverty. Hmmm... Living with annoying mom in middle class comfort, vs. living in poverty. I'm not sure about this one... maybe I should think longer in my characteristically indecisive way. Hmmm...
2) Women are self-centered. A nice way of saying women are selfish.
(You) Wah wah wah. Mommy is annoying because she nags. She nags because she wants to annoy me. I hate her.
(Mommy) I am very concerned about the welfare of my child. I would like her to avoid the mistakes that I made. I would like to help her because I love her.
(You) Wah wah wah. I'm all growed up now, I don't need your help. You're annoying. I can do things myself. I need my space.
(Mommy) Those things she says hurt. But I'm trying my best to help her - be nice to her. I want to give her everything. I don't want her to be hurt. I don't want her to learn the hard way.
(Me) Ungreatful child.
Of course, this is a gross exaggeration of what goes largely unspoken. It seems to me that these girls - for they only woman in body - fail to see things from the mothers' perspective. They can not understand the mothers' motivations, nor do they appear to have an inkling of empathy for the hurt that they may cause. The only kind of people known to act this way are young children. Hence the tone of my girl character in dialogue.
3) Freud's Elektra Complex. If you know what it is, good. If you do not, then look it up. Freud's theory probably has little merit - already his Oedipus Complex has been shot down by today's experts. It would be safe to assume that the Elektra Complex also suffers from the same credibility problems. I know little else of Freud - I was never a great student of Psychology. But, I thought that would be glaringly obvious by now.
N.B. No, I am not a misogynist; yes, I do know what the word means; no, this does not apply to all women and all daughters; and no, this is not directed at you - what made you think so, you egocentric child?
So, why do YOU hate your mother? She's done nothing but love and comfort you in the best way that she knows how. If she died tomorrow, I'm certain you would be sorry about how you treated her, or mistreated her.
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3 comments:
Wow i'm glad i love my mommy and rarely bicker fight with her anymore. That all kinda stopped after i quit piano in grade 9. Best choice ever. hahaha I actually dont know anyone, perhaps only one person that fits your description of catty mother/daughter relationships. But that is probably cuz they spend way too much time alone together. I mean i think there needs to be a healthy distance between moms and daughters. I dont think i would function normally if my mom was my best friend like on the gilmore girls...
i don't hate my mom at all....she is actually the one person dearest to my heart. that doesn't mean she doesn't get on my nerves sometimes though.
and I get VERY pissed off when i see ungrateful, whiney, selfish/spoilt kids complaining about their parents. Especially, and this happens fairly often, ones that act up because their parents are/getting divorced and instead of trying to help and pulling their own weight, they make everything more difficult for everyone. i just want to slap them.
i think a healthy distance is very necessary once you reach your twenties. I think that would be the solution to everything in one shot. i only wish that i could feel like she could survive without me around. Sorry so say (and being completely truthful) i don't think she could. Everytime I get annoyed, it all stems from one thing: her trying to act dictatorial and forcing me to do things for her, that she isn't capable of doing, or even trying to do herself. it seems to me that if you're not able to do something, you should ask nicely, or take a shot at it before delegating to someone who doesn't want to do it. i REALLY want her to have her own life and be independent so that someday, when i DO have to leave, it'll be ok. ............i've spent most of my life concerned about that day. i don't think that's healthy.
sigh....i also don't think sort of problem would be present (with both my parents) if i weren't an only child. sigh....this is why i will have more than 1 for sure.
i think you make a good point, but a lot of times you have to realize mothers aren't exactly perfect either.
the most important thing you pointed out is that women (not unlike everyone else in the world) are self-centred.
that applies not just to daughters, but mothers too.
a lot of times mothers do things irrationally just so they don't have to let go -- or let go of control -- of their babies.
learning to accept that your child is growing up is just as much a process as growing up yourself.
although i agree there is an abundance of ungrateful children in this world. and by children, i mean plenty of people past their teens who just don't get it.
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